The world seems to be careless about verbal abuse. People always think that verbal abuse is not an abuse, it is just a joke. But it is not a joke at all!
Look at the definition of verbal abuse. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, verbal abuse means any harsh and insulting language directed at a person. According to Hunt (2013), it is defined as any language or words that are delivered to hurt or belittle others. This means that any words delivered by someone directed at others in order to insult belittle them is totally a verbal abuse. However, nowadays people seem to be careless and hide behind the term “joke”.
For example, you might find someone who told a girl “You look fat” and then laughed. This kind of person, if we warn them, will actually defend themselves with the label “It’s just a joke, don’t think too much”. Whereas the girl might feel insulted and hurt. This culture is actually growing like a poisonous mushroom.
Ironically, if the one who feels insulted is angry, he is negatively labelled as a sensitive person. In fact, we have the right to defend ourselves. Sherri Gordon shared many different forms of verbal abuse such as
- Blame: This makes the “victim” feel guilty instead of the person. They make the victim responsible for the abusive behaviour.
- Condescension: This often happens – just like the above. It is abuse disguised as humour, sarcasm, intended to belittle the other person.
- Criticism: Obviously this is not destructive criticism. It is in the form of deliberate and hurtful remarks made in public or private.
- Gaslighting: This is also popular nowadays. The perpetrator sometimes disguises their actions and makes the target hesitate their judgements and reality.
- Humiliation: It happens when you are insulted in public by someone you know very well, such as a peer, friend, family member, partner or others.
- Judgement: Any action that involves looking down on the victim or not accepting them for who they are.
- Manipulation: This is actually just like the name, they manipulate and control other person, which makes the victim feel guilty.
- Name-calling: Be careful. If you give someone an additional name such as “Big Ann” or “Fatty Celine”, this is a form of verbal abuse.
- Ridicule: This is a form of abuse where the abuser chooses a joke that attacks the area where you feel vulnerable or weak.
- Threats: These are statements designed to frighten the victim. The abuser also tries to control and manipulate other people with this statement.
- Withholding: This includes the silent treatment. Someone who does this refuses to show affection or talk to you.
So if we are one of the victims, what should we do?
In her blog of Very Well Mind, Sherri shared some things that we could do when we are faced with such verbal abuse.
Set boundaries—You need to tell them clearly that you feel offended or that their words are hurting you. Sometimes the abuser may not know that they are abusing you when they are talking. If they continue to abuse you, do not give them any intention.
Limit exposure—Try to limit the time you spend with the abuser. Spend more time with people who respect and love you. It is pointless to spend time and energy with them.
End the relationship—Cut them off. If there is no sign of them getting better, then just cut them off. This does not mean you are being bad to them, it means you are protecting yourself because you value yourself.
Seek help—You may need professional help to heal from verbal abuse and there is no shame in that. Get professional mental health help and free yourself from the pain. We are all valuable and no one deserves to put us down.
